Xin Rui’s Experience [he/him]

The more I engage with the process, the more difficult it seems to get. Which is as it should be, because the difficulties come from within rather than without. I have transitioned from blindly feeling around in the dark, to blindly feeling around underwater. That is not to say that nothing has changed. I'm starting to develop my own means of sensing out that which I cannot see, or perceive, but it is still murky and barely perceptible.

As I continue working towards embracing the unknown, I find myself drifting further and further away from my comfort zone, where the ground beneath me disappears even before the path ahead appears, and I am forced take a leap (or step) of faith. And it is faith, because there is no way for me to ascertain whether the ground will rise to meet my feet, or whether I'll plunge into an endless dark void. And yet, even if I am certain something is there to catch me, I must proceed without that knowledge, for certainty is the enemy of creativity.

Am I now a better, or more creative person? I cannot say for sure. But one thing I can say is that there is more I understand about my self, and while I am still not a particularly good swimmer, I have become slightly more comfortable with floating in the endless unknown, and building my own little island with the pieces of driftwood that come my way.